Thursday, July 25, 2013
This one is gonna be personal. I hope years from now, when I read it again, I could say to myself, "Well done, girl and I hope by then, God would also say the same thing, "Well done, my child".
Today is July 25, 2013, 3:52PM. I am writing on my bed with my Asus netbook on top of my pillow I placed on my lap, beside the noisy C5 street with my cellphone's MP3 playing Steady My Heart of Kari Jobe. Fifteen days ago, my heart got broken again by a man I placed my trust for two years. I didn't blame him. I'm just shocked though I saw it coming months ahead. Personal issues he must face alone, dreams he must fulfilled and I add up as a baggage instead of being a help. I knew he no longer loved me or better be honest, I am not even in his priorities which I allowed because I believe a good partner must be understanding. Bad move he never fully commit himself and see my value as a woman and a partner. Never gonna apply this uber-understanding principle again.
Yes, right now I am broken- broken hearted, broken dreams, broken trust all pulling me down for the last two weeks. I even tried saving the relationship yesterday but to no avail. Today, I decided that maybe I could resume writing for this blog which I put on-hold for almost half year coz I am busy juggling life's immediate concerns and dramas.
Besides, I am a God's woman now. Two years ago, I accepted them both in my life- the guy and God, and it seems it is only God that can be faithful to His promise of staying with me. I am hurt, badly hurt but then I have a work at night, an online business that needs my attention during afternoon and a happy family to visit during rest days, I cannot stay being hurt all the time. I must be okay asap for my myself, well-being and to those people to sincerely love me as well.
Right now, I am placing my heart and trust to God alone for I am vulnerable. I am taking strength from His words everyday using all inspiration articles I could read online, Christian songs I listened during hopelessness times and His words I read from emails I received in the office coming from friends and books I have in my possession such as Bible and Daily Bread pocket books.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
I also make sure I got enough sleep and eat healthy foods right now. I am snacking fruit juices and fruit slices, have a good sms conversation to my busy yet still-find-time-to-listen inspiring friends I have in the office and at my religious ministry. I tried to surround myself with optimistic people and hear only words of encouragement and get away from energy vampires during this hard moment of my life. I loved myself so must also protect me.
Persistent Pink Purse will resume writing her personal (mis)adventures in her quest for financial literacy and freedom. I grew up in a typical poor Filipino family and financial literary was not part of our upbringing besides studying hard and get a good job after you graduated.
Maybe I might get hurt too in this quest, but I hope I could learn as well. And while I am learning, I hope I could share to you true insights of how a trying woman in her early thirty is still hoping to get her life better.
I hope a good future will be available to me soon. I pray it also included a descent, trustworthy, God-fearing, faithful man I deserved. Right now, I will used my free time to embrace and learn another part of my life no one in my circle of family or people ever tried to teach me. I am scared, but like love I must venture, go on hoping everything will be good. I promised I will stay in God's radar while learning this new path, treacherous and dangerous some says. Allow me to prove to myself that I could be wealthy and spiritually healthy at the same time just like my favorite people Bo Sanchez and Francis Kong. If I could be Warren Buffet, let it be but I will make sure I will walk at Wall Street with My Jesus beside me.
I hope my brokenness right now could be a blessing to myself and to other people as well. I know I won't stay broken emotionally and financially forever.
Your younger self @ age 30 and a half,
Janneth aka Lady Nyx, author of Persistent Pink Purse